Supportive Spouse
Don and Sue Ellen were compatible from the very beginning. We both grew up on farms and had Christian faith. Further, we adapted to each other’s families. We were married for 50 years.
Meeting Sue Ellen
Capital University devoted the month of January to an “Interim” course. Don took a course that was titled “Developing the Speaking and Singing Voice.” He had taken Speech his first semester, and he was in the Chapel Choir. The interim consisted of classes in one subject every weekday for the month of January 1969.
Don noticed a young woman seated diagonally about as far apart as possible in the small classroom. After introductions, Don thought: “I wish I were closer to Sue Ellen.” However, students tended to sit in the same seat every day. Don and Sue Ellen had some short conversations.
Another way to find out about students was to listen to their presentations. Sue Ellen’s delivery was interesting and articulate. She was very pretty and had an appealing personality. Don’s presentations tended to involve music, preparing to sing “O Rest in the Lord” for a solo at a church service. Church music was familiar to her because she played piano for a church at her hometown.
Sue Ellen and Don discovered something else they had in common. Both were raised on farms, and they participated heavily in 4-H. In addition, they were both in transition academically. She was ending a possible nursing curriculum. Instead, she wanted to major in Speech. Thus, this class propelled her in that direction. For Don, this class solidified his exit from math, and he picked up the flexible Undecided major.
First Date
Spring Semester began in early February, and Don noticed that fraternities were announcing their rush parties. These were opportunities for dates he had been seeking, and of course Sue Ellen’s name came to him instantly. He hastily headed for the dorm where she stayed. She said yes, she would be happy to go, and we were both elated. Our first date took place on February 14. It was Valentine’s Day, and it became a special day for us for years to come.
The party was held in the ballroom of the historic Hotel Edison, located at the corner of E. Broad and Grant Street in Columbus. Members of Sigma Tau Omega (STO) had clearly outdone themselves in selecting a venue. Sue Ellen looked gorgeous, dressed for the occasion in an outfit Don had not seen before.
Our next opportunity came soon although it would be quite different from the fabulous Hotel Edison experience. The Men’s Glee Club was performing on campus. I decided to invite Sue Ellen. Again, she said yes. Afterward, I introduced Sue Ellen to my brother Dale, who was a member of the Glee Club. It was a cheerful meeting.
A Couple
Sue Ellen and I saw each other every day on campus, and we enjoyed getting together in the company of friends on weekends.
I bought my first car, a ’65 Chevy Nova with a 4-on-the-floor and black bucket seats. I took Sue Ellen out for a spin, and asked her if she wanted to drive. She reluctantly agreed. I quickly found out why she was hesitant. I had assumed that she knew how to drive a stick shift, since she lived on a farm. However, she said that she didn’t work in the fields. Instead, she cooked and baked and sewed. I remembered the occasion as an important insight about her interests.
Since I had a car, we could go many places including to meet college friends. The first people Sue Ellen wanted to visit were her Aunt Lena and Uncle Charles. They lived on the south side of Columbus, so it wouldn’t be too far to go. Lena referred to Bainbridge as her home, whereas Charles was from West Virginia. I was impressed that Sue Ellen wanted to see these humble people. Similarly, my extended family were comprised of common, working-class people.
Summer of 1969
Soon after going to our parents’ homes for the summer, Sue Ellen and Don began making plans to meet. It was not as easy as being on campus. Each had summer jobs. Sue Ellen was a teacher for Head Start in Ross County, Ohio, while Don worked at Ross-Pattern, a foundry in Sidney. Given the road system at that time, it would take about 2 ½ hours to drive from one home to the other. Five hours would be too long to go and return the same day.
Take a picture of the farm and valley.
Don first visited Sue Ellen at her home in Ross County on June 28, 1969. Sue Ellen initiated a plan in which Don would stay overnight in a spare bedroom because of the traveling distance. Her mother approved the plan. When Don approached Sue Ellen’s home, the landscape opened to a plush valley peaked by hillsides filled with trees. Given Don’s rural background, this sight was appealing to him. He drove down the gravel lane trying to take it all in – fields, trees and more trees. The scenery was splendid. Even so, the sight of Sue Ellen was more beautiful.
The next day, Sue Ellen and Don went to Coney Island, an amusement park in Cincinnati. It was fantastic, since it was the first time during the summer that it was just the two of them for an extended period of time. Upon returning to Sue Ellen’s home, they couldn’t separate. Don stayed longer than he should before starting his journey to Shelby County. He returned home about 8:00 Monday morning after sleeping in the Nova at a truck stop.
Second visit to Sue Ellen’s home
The next weekend that Sue Ellen and Don got together was July 11-13. Again, Don drove to Sue Ellen’s home in Ross County. There was much to do on a summer weekend together. Don enjoyed the way Sue Ellen made even everyday events exciting. On Saturday, they could go to one of the nearby lakes for sun and continued conversation. Sue Ellen was clearly the more talkative, but times of silence were not awkward. Silence around Sue Ellen could be a renewal for another topic or just mutual relaxation. So, this quality of Sue Ellen made Don feel comfortable and, at the same time, fascinated.
For a short while, Don helped Sue Ellen’s dad Frank bale hay. Help for such work was hard for him to find. Don was skilled at loading a wagon. He was happy to help and even more, Don was intrigued by what happened after finishing baling. Sue Ellen’s dad and mom had a light-hearted exchange. Although Don could not hear every word, he could tell that Frank was poking fun at Suzanne. His comments related to Don, a teenager from a far-away place who could even bale hay. Overhearing this dialog made Don appreciate this couple all the more.
Sue Ellen’s mother was a nurse. Don got along well with her. This was not hard to do because Suzanne did almost all of the talking, sometimes making a comment or asking a question, then moving on to another topic before Don answered. Frank was very likable, easy going, and known for helping others. He was a hard-working man as a farmer and as a prison maintenance supervisor. Among his skills were gardening, making maple syrup, and cooking fish, which he did at the American Legion among other places. What’s more, there was Gayle! She was Sue Ellen’s sister and the youngest member of the family. Her presence was a surprise to Don. He met Gayle at 4-H Club Congress in Columbus the previous summer.
Summer 1969 – Sue Ellen’s visit to Don’s home
Sue Ellen sent an enlarged photo of Don and herself to his home in Shelby County. Don’s mother found a frame for it, and he placed it on top of the book case in the family room. Thus, the picture was given a prominent location in his parents’ house.
Even more special for Don that summer was when Sue Ellen stayed at his parents’ home. Due to his position as president of the Shelby County Junior Fair Board, Don asked her to be on the panel of judges for the fair king-queen contest. Sue Ellen’s aunt Jeannie came from Springfield to watch. Sue Ellen participated with Don in another event at the fair: the market lamb show. Since she showed lambs of her own at the Ross County Fair, she was the perfect choice. Working together was enjoyable as it would be for years to come.
Summer 1969 – Back to Ross County
The Ross County Fair started the next weekend, August 2nd and 3rd. Don experienced it with Sue Ellen on Saturday and Sunday, and he wished he could have stayed to see Sue Ellen modeling later that week. However, on Sunday it was time for him to return home to his summer job at the foundry, which would pay for college expenses. Even so, Sue Ellen and Don had joined together on each other’s home turf and enjoyed it. Therefore, they would be able to share many mutual interests in the future.
Two long weeks went by until Sue Ellen and Don would see each other again. The county fairs were over, and the summer was winding down. Sue Ellen made a vest for Don with fabric that matched an article of her clothing. By going beyond a customary dating arrangement (making a vest, accompaniment on the piano, showing a lamb at the fair, and sending a photo to Don’s home), Sue Ellen’s actions greatly elevated their relationship.
August 30-31 provided one more weekend for Don and Sue Ellen. It would be the last for the summer before the two would return to college for their sophomore year. This marks a notable feature of their relationship. Even though they would resume their connection on campus the next week, they didn’t want a summer weekend to go by without seeing each other one more time.
This pattern of seeing each other frequently continued while she was at Capital University and after she transferred to Ohio University to receive a degree in her chosen field: speech therapy. It was marvelous! I believe that God likes to watch two people who love each other.
In early 1972, Don and Sue Ellen talked about marriage more seriously than ever before. They started looking for an engagement ring. He was very comfortable with both of them shopping for a ring so that she could have the one she liked. Her preference was a ring with five points of small star-like diamonds. Don saw her preference and bought it for a special occasion.
Engagement and Wedding
The upcoming occasion that was very special to both of them was Valentine’s Day, since 1972 marked the 3rd anniversary of their 1st date. Don made a special trip to Athens, Ohio, on Sunday with the engagement ring that Sue Ellen liked. She would wear it more than 50 years. They did not make immediate plans for the wedding because of education and other activities requiring their attention. Still, they were thrilled about being engaged.
By the summer of 1972, Don was accepted at the Wharton Graduate School of the University of Pennsylvania, and Sue Ellen secured a speech therapy position for the Bucks County Schools, near Philadelphia. They set a wedding date for August 19th. The date allowed enough time to plan the wedding, for Don to complete his summer internship, and for them both to relocate to Philadelphia in time for Don’s first class.
Don and Sue Ellen drove to Philadelphia the day after their wedding. Their route would become a familiar one: the Pennsylvania Turnpike. They looked for an apartment that met their requirements: for Sue Ellen, within driving distance to her work, while for Don, within walking distance to a local train station They found the perfect balance at Cornwells Heights. There was one problem. The apartment complex had no immediate vacancies. Still, there would be an apartment available in two weeks. They were told of a nearby couple who had remodeled their garage. The newlyweds rented it for two weeks.
After securing the short-term and longer-term places to live, Don and Sue Ellen drove back to Ohio. They first went to Don’s parents’ house where they loaded his clothing and essentials. Then, they drove to Sue Ellen’s parents’ house and loaded her clothing and essentials. Everything was packed tightly in the car. They didn’t need a trailer. After opening the remainder of the wedding gifts, they hit the road again for Philadelphia.
Sue Ellen stayed at the converted garage until her job started. She enjoyed walking and planning meals. She developed another keen interest: the Olympics, which had started on August 26th. She watched on the television which came with the rent. We did not yet own a TV. When Don came home, Sue Ellen told him about the events of the Games. Sadly, a tragic event was the taking hostage and killing of eleven members of the Israeli team.
Work and Graduate School at Philadelphia
Sue Ellen’s speech therapy position started, Don’s computer programming course ended, the 2-week stay at the remodeled garage ceased, and the apartment where they would live for nearly two years was ready. So, it was time to move to that apartment. The first night was a bit rough, however. They slept on the floor, then bought a mattress the next day.
Don took the train to school every day. He faced academic challenges greater than he had known before. He looked forward to seeing Sue Ellen in the evenings and on weekends. Sue Ellen liked her job with Bucks County Schools. She loved to work with kids. After each busy week, Sue Ellen and Don relaxed on Friday night. On Saturdays, Don sat at his desk, a card table in the bedroom, and studied. Sue Ellen read and had plenty to do. On Sundays, Don and Sue Ellen attended a nearby church in Bucks County. They went on a retreat with other young adults of the church.
They took turns driving on the Pennsylvania Turnpike to and from Ohio for holidays. They appreciated going to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, for their first anniversary in 1973. They also went to the Jersey Shore together.
After completing the 2-year program, Don received a Master of Public Administration degree from the Wharton Graduate School on May 20, 1974. After discussing the options, Don and Sue Ellen decided to move to Flint, Michigan, where Don was offered his first full-time job.
Flint, Michigan
In June 1974, Don and Sue Ellen packed all of their belongings, rented a U-Haul trailer, and moved to Flint. Don started his new job on July 1st, and Sue Ellen easily found a speech therapy position with the Flint City Schools. They lived in an apartment in Flint for a year and then bought a house together.
While they were driving back to Flint after Thanksgiving, they were caught in a snowstorm. U.S. Route 23 was closed in Michigan. Therefore, with two cats they stayed in a shelter near Toledo before going to Michigan the next day.
They joined a church in Flint on the same side of the city where they lived. They went to the northern part of Michigan for a weekend together, and they also enjoyed going to Ann Arbor to look at crafts and buy pottery. Another attraction was going to two Harry Chapin concerts at Pine Knob. They enjoyed their time in Flint, except for Don’s job, which lost its appeal.
Dayton, Ohio
Sue Ellen drove Don in our only car to his job in downtown Dayton. That way she could have the car for errands. We attended church in Dayton together, and gathered with the young adults of the church together. The Waltons were a favorite television show every week.
We ate at the Golden Lamb in Lebanon before Christmas every year together. We put up a real Christmas tree with ornaments every year at our house together. We celebrated Christmas Eve with Don’s parents and Christmas Day with Sue Ellen’s family together. We marked New Year’s Eve in Dayton, first with Jim and Margaret Fogarty. Then, we celebrated New Years until after midnight with the Geels and Wilhelms.
They had a period of transition from Dayton to Columbus. Don’s new job was with the Ohio Legislative Budget Office in Columbus. When Don didn’t go to Dayton for the weekend, Sue Ellen went to Columbus, and she and Don painted the interior of the house. They wanted to complete as many rooms as possible during the winter and spring before moving to Columbus in the summer. Although they would leave friends in Dayton, they wanted to make this move succeed.
Columbus, Ohio
On September 15, 1990, as Sue Ellen was only days from turning 40, Don celebrated her big day with a surprise birthday party. Many people, including relatives and friends from various parts of Ohio, came to Greendale Drive. It was truly a surprise for Sue Ellen. Invitations were made secretly. Food and beverages were hidden inside the house and garage.
Try to remember the kind of September When life was slow and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember the kind of September When grass was green and grain was yellow.
Johnson Road, Galloway
After being firmly planted in Columbus, Sue Ellen and Don restored their rural heritage in 1991 by buying a house with two acres, a pond and a shed. The garden was sizable. The property was on Johnson Road in Pleasant Township and in the same school district as the Greendale Drive house. The downtown commute was only slightly longer for Don.
We did many activities together and had many accomplishments. We tilled, shoveled, hoed, and planted a garden almost every spring together. We went to the Palace and Ohio theatres in Columbus, and enjoyed the Symphony at “Picnic with the Pops” a number of summers together. We participated in a marriage enrichment seminar at Cedarville College, and we went to Clifton Mills to eat and see the Christmas lights several times together.
We went to the annual Benner reunions many times together. We went to the Fall Festival of Leaves many times together. On occasion, we slept overnight at Hattie’s House during the Festival of Leaves. We celebrated Sue Ellen’s birthday at the lodge at Deer Creek State Park.
We went to the Amish bakery and general store and ate at the picnic tables together, and we took Sue Ellen’s mother to the Amish stores. We stopped in Washington Court House frequently on our way to and from seeing Gram. We met my mother and dad at a roadside park in Urbana some number of times, and we met my mother at Melvin Miller Park in Urbana a number of times together.
We sang in the Columbia Heights’ choir and sang a duet “Let’s call the calling off…off” at the CHUM talent show together.
We participated in the Nazarene home group every week together. We sang in the choir for the Easter drama at the Nazarene Church together. We participated in the Vineyard home group twice a month together. We attended Alistair Begg’s church in Cleveland twice together.
We watched a TV documentary on Handel’s Messiah together, and we attended a Columbus orchestra performing Handel’s Messiah at the Southern Hotel together.
We walked at Darby Metro Park, including the bison trail, together. We also parked at the old Galloway grain mill and walked the trails together. We even walked one of the Galloway trails in the wintertime (down to 32 degrees) together. We walked at the Prairie Township “circle,” on Galloway Road together, and we walked at the Prairie Township Community Center in the winter time. We went to the State Fair many years and walked the distance together.
We watched the 6:30 evening news almost every night together. After the news, we frequently played ping pong in our basement during the colder months for several years. We also played Scrabble, with Sue Ellen winning frequently, and we enjoyed it together.
We attended the Renfro Valley Entertainment Center in Kentucky many times, and we enjoyed the performances at the Grand Old Opry in Nashville, Tennessee.
We went on a vacation to Nova Scotia, and we participated in six Road Scholar programs: West Virginia for folk stories; Maryland where we saw the Antietam Battlefield; Pittsburgh where we rode the incline and toured an abandoned steel mill; Missouri where we went to St. Louis and visited the Gateway Arch and participated in a reenactment of the Dred Scott case, and to Hannibal the boyhood home of Mark Twain; New York where Franklin and Elenor Roosevelt lived, and we worshipped at an AME church; and Washington, DC, where we toured the Capitol, the Library of Congress, the Kennedy Center, and interesting museums.
We went to Chautauqua, NY, for a day and night after being at the Finger Lakes together. After our first visit, we wanted to go back, so we went to Chautauqua for a week, staying in a cottage. On a separate visit, we went for another week, staying at the Athenaeum together.
We participated in a spiritual retreat at Lakeside Chautauqua, Ohio, in 2021, and we stayed at Lakeside Chautauqua for a short summer vacation. We enjoyed the Gaither Christmas Concert two times together, and we went to the Capital University Christmas Concert many times.
We had dogs and cats over the years together. Sue Ellen had a dog named “Meg” that we found along a stretch of Johnson Road with no houses. She was part lab and part border collie. Coco and Shaquille came from Sue Ellen’s sister Gayle. We had several cats including ones in our house at Flint. The last cats we owned stayed in the shed at Johnson Road: Denny, Jenny, and Plenty. Don took care of the trio. Welcome visitors were Skinny and Skinny’s brother. Skinny had a bad habit of trying to scratch us, so he sometimes wore out his welcome.
Shortly after we moved to a condominium, Sue Ellen died of cancer on December 25, 2022.